Why does this bug me?

[bcholmes]

Siobhan asked me why this is bugging me so much.

"Is it because she's talking about things publically?"

No. I can understand that part.

I do have a problem with her take on a number of things, and her recollection of some events bears no resemblance to my own. It bothers me that there's such a wide gap between her recollection and my own.

What really sticks in my craw is stuff that I know we've discussed before and which I thought we'd worked out. It's like she's completely rewritten all those previous discussions into something... nasty.

And then there's stuff that, from my perspective, appears completely fabricated. Things she claims that I said or did. What's up with that?

Comments

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Well, to be honest, I've found reading what she's said to be helpful. Since I heard that the two of you had split up I've been worried, because you are both friends of mine for some value of friend and you are both Good People. So for a long time I've been wondering exactly what went on and worrying about how two people I believed to be Good People could end up falling out so badly. I was concerned that maybe I'd been wrong about one of you.

But what was I supposed to do - write email asking nosy questions of people I don't know that well? It's not easy to do that. Likewise, how was I supposed to hear about it without being forced to take a side?

As it is, I think the way she's handled it has been fair. After all, she wasn't to know that you would find your way into livejournal. Everyone uses their journal to vent - it's part of what they're there for. And it sounds like she is having a truly awful time at the moment. This isn't to say that you are to blame, though. From what I've read, I still think you're both Good People. I think you just had one hell of a misunderstanding due to different ways of doing things.

So don't be worried about what other people will think of you now. Yes, some people will take sides (particularly people who know her better than you) but the vast majority won't turn against you because of half a story. And even if they do for a while, they'll gradually get over it.

[bcholmes.livejournal.com]

But what was I supposed to do - write email asking nosy questions of people I don't know that well? It's not easy to do that.

<nod>

I understand what you're saying. I'm pretty introverted, and I don't tend to volunteer a whole lot of information about Stuff that's going on in my head, but I'm really cool about people asking me nosy questions.

And it sounds like she is having a truly awful time at the moment.

Yeah. And I honestly wish it were otherwise. I commend all you guys for offering her support and hugs.

[(Anonymous)]

>As it is, I think the way she's handled it has been fair. After
>all, she wasn't to know that you would find your way into
>livejournal. Everyone uses their journal to vent - it's part of
>what they're there for.

I dunno. To me venting is something you do in a dark pub, or at a coffee-shop or curled up on a pile of pillows on the floor of your room -- it's a private thing to do with friends where you know the ears are always sympathetic ones.

Not out in the middle of a public space where *anybody* can see it.

>I think you just had one hell of a misunderstanding due to
>different ways of doing things.

There I can agree with you.

Siobhan

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

Not out in the middle of a public space where *anybody* can see it.

and archive it forever. don't forget that part.