Race Agency

[bcholmes]

Y'know, there was a time when I would have said that the best that I can do -- having been reared in a racist culture -- is to pay attention to my own behaviour and try to become aware of it.

Nowadays, I think that sounds very... inactive. I think that the best I can do includes actively seeking out resources for edumacating myself. And it's not like those resources have been hard to come by; just starting with a few resources quickly got me to more and more information. But I suppose it shouldn't surprise me to realize just how little information I was exposed to when I wasn't actively looking.

I suppose what I'm saying is that I believe in race agency. Partially because I believe in all forms of agency, but mostly because I think it's my job to own my skanky race issues and part of that being my job involves writing my own job description and figuring out just how to own those issues. And that's not just armchair pondering; that's work.

I know that RaceFail has been ugly and hard to watch. And sometimes that hard-to-watch-ness makes me kinda think, "is it ever going to end?!?" But I am glad for the conversation. (This sentiment is, to me, beautiful). I am so grateful to be able to learn from so many participants in this conversation, and I am sickened at the efforts in some parts to force a stop. Men anpil chay pa lou.

Comments

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

I must link to this. And thanks for the link to bossymarmalade's post. That was grand.

[moondancerdrake.livejournal.com]

bossymarmalade's post was the best response to all of this. I wish I could've been so eloquent.

[beable]

That is awesome. I was going to post last night with rosefox's post. Because I had mostly tried not to wade into RaceFail09, trying to frame a post and link out coherently at 2:00 am was somewhat beyond me. Bossymarmalade's post is made of win.

What has happened to coffeeandink has me mad enough to be spitting bricks. The garbage that bossymarmalade was responding to similarly pissed me off.

Up until that post (the one bossymarmalade responded to), I had actually bought into the "people have been hurt on both sides, both sides of said hurtful things" stuff. Then I read the comments in the post where James_Nicholls links to coffeeandink's post. The comments in which someone came in and accused coffeeandink of outright calling people racist (note: she empathically did not - I read her post and I can haz comprehension skills!) and the conversation degenerated with that person and a couple of others essentially claiming that the problem was tone. Given the moderateness of the tones that started the whole debate, I can only assume that the only proper tone for "um, you're being that privileged-assuming person (PP), here's how you can change it" is to
a) offer many cookies before and after
b) offer many apologies before and after that one may - in order to provide some advice on how PP can avoid cutting one open with a knife and leaving one's intestines out to dry - might maybe kinda teensy weensy consider that they are holding a knife
c) apologize again for liking one's intestines intact (PP didn't mean to hold a knife, and it's mean to imply they would stab one with it - even accidentally in a boisterous gesture1)
d) offer more cookies.

I no longer think of this as RaceFail. T think of it as OhHaiYurPrivelegeIsShowingYouMightWantToFixThatFail.

[bcholmes.livejournal.com]

The comments in which someone came in and accused coffeeandink of outright calling people racist (note: she empathically did not

Regardless of whether or not coffeeandink said that (I take you at your word that she did not), I think the whole "so-and-so called me racist" thing is one more way in which white people take control of a conversation and make it about themselves. White people need to cut it out, in my opinion.

[sparkymonster.livejournal.com]

ladyjax made a comment about sitting with uncomfortable feelings.

I've taken that to mean noticing parts about myself that are defensive about my own privilege, noticing reactions taht I'm surprised by, etc. Being honest about the reactions and thinking about them.

It's definitely work. And it's tiring. And it's so worth it.

I think there is also a definite place for white people to do that work with other white people. Which is something I'm still mulling about in my head. My kneejerk reaction is "but that's mean! and exclusionary! and what if white people feel bad about being excluded!" The last reaction made me go "wait a minute..."

So...yeah. Stuff. I lost my train of thought sorry.

[rosefox]

and what if white people feel bad about being excluded!

Then that's an uncomfortable feeling we can go off and sit with and try to be honest and not defensive about, and it seriously is not your problem.

[sparkymonster.livejournal.com]

Right. It was important for me to actually articulate that so I could look at the sentiment and go "OMGWTF"

The other thing that has been useful, for me as a mixed race person, is recognizing that talking and expressing frustration about race, racism, white privilege, etc. is not an insult to my mom (or to other white people I know and love). It's talking and raging out against a systemic racist system/power structure.

[rosefox]

Those sound like very helpful, stress-easing thoughts to be having.

[jiawen]

Being honest about reactions is, I feel, a huge part of all this. It feels like the big instigators (EB, WS, KC, the NHs, etc.) haven't been really honest with themselves. They keep making excuses, retconning, backtracking and generally not taking good, objective looks what they've been doing (and the effects of same). It's really hard to do that while simultaneously dealing with feelings of hurt, not wanting to be accused of racism. Dealing with the fact that you (generic) may be wrong is really hard. As you said, it's definitely work, tiring but worthwhile. Morally required, even.

[bcholmes.livejournal.com]

ladyjax made a comment about sitting with uncomfortable feelings.

I guess what jumps immediately into my head on hearing that is the moment when we were on the trans 101 panel at WisCon. Someone was asking the question about what they do when they don't know what the right pronouns to use are. I remember thinking, at the time, "it sounds like the questioner thinks that the universe should be constructed in a way that ensures that that person never feels that particular discomfort." And my understanding of the universe is very different.

What I thought, but wasn't able to articulate was: one needs to be with that discomfort, and not let that be paralyzing.

[sparkymonster.livejournal.com]

I remember thinking, at the time, "it sounds like the questioner thinks that the universe should be constructed in a way that ensures that that person never feels that particular discomfort." And my understanding of the universe is very different.

YES! I had a simliar reaction too. I just. WTF.

My answer pretty much was "suck it." I hope I said it more politely. I think I did. But seriously, get over yourself, deal with the MILD discomfort you're experiencing and move the fuck on. And think about the teeny tiny discomfort you're feeling as a white cis guy, vs. the discomforts of the person you're talking to. And move the fuck on.

one needs to be with that discomfort, and not let that be paralyzing

Yes! I think that it's really helpful for members of a privileged group to help each other in that case. Like, for cisgendered people to talk to other cis people about feeling that discomfort and learning ways to deal with it that aren't paralyzing and don't focus all the attention back on one's self.

[zillah975]

Here from wordweaverlynn, and I wanted to thank you for making this post. Apart from being an awesome post in itself, it's also helping me wash the bad taste out of my mouth from another post I happened to stumble into. I won't bore you with the sordid details, but this is a terrific antidote.

[livrelibre.livejournal.com]

Yes! This is the work we're all needing to do on all sorts of issues. Hard but necessary.

[pgdudda.livejournal.com]

I think it's my job to own my skanky race issues and part of that being my job involves writing my own job description and figuring out just how to own those issues.

Thank you for putting your finger on part of the "why am I spending so much time on this topic in my LJ, when quite likely a lot of it consists of airing my skanky racist laundry?" Because, you know, it's my job to untangle my own racism, and thanks to RaceFail, I now have more resources available than I ever knew existed on the Magic Intertubes.

Even when there's not enough Pepto in the Entire Known Universe to help me stomach the entirety of RaceFail'09, I can take comfort in the fact that *I'm* learning things as a result, however small that comfort may be. And maybe, just maybe, someone else will learn something from all the skanky laundry I've been washing...