Thought for the Day

[bcholmes]

Looking through some past interesting quotations:

[...] you can be either a Magic Momma or a Trembling Sister.

[...] Since we are all struggling with the Feminine Imperative, one of the ways achieving women combat the guilt of success is by agreeing to be Magic Mommas.

[Magic Momma]s give to others -- eternally.

[Magic Momma]s are totally selfless.

[Magic Momma]s have infinite time and energy.

[Magic Momma]s love all other women, always.

[Magic Momma]s never get angry at other women.

[Magic Momma]s don't sleep.

[Magic Momma]s never get sick.

If [Magic Momma]s don't fulfill the above conditions, they feel horribly, horribly guilty.

[Magic Momma]s know that they can never do enough.

Like the Victorian mother, the Magic Momma pays for her effectiveness by renouncing her own needs. But these don't go away. The [Magic Momma] feels guilt over her achievements, guilt over not doing more (in fact, this is the common female guilt over not doing everything for everyone) [...]

Meanwhile the Trembling Sister has plenty to be enraged about too. Having avoided the guilt of being effective, she's allowed to feel and express her own needs, but she pays for these "advantages" by an enforced helplessness which requires that somebody fill her needs for her, since she's not allowed to do so herself.

The trouble is that nobody can.

No matter how much being taken care of the [Trembling Sister] manages to wangle out of others, it is never enough. For being taken care of is exactly what she does not need. It reinforces her helplessness, while what she really needs is access to her own effectiveness -- and that is something no one can give another person.

[...]

Put the [Magic Momma] and the [Trembling Sister] together and you get the conventional female role.

You also get trashing.

Trashing in the feminist community has always proceeded from "below" "upwards," directed by the Trembling Sister [...] at the self-elected (or merely supposed) MM. The hidden agenda of trashing is to remain helpless and to fail whatever the ostensible motivation. [...] I believe that trashing, far from being the result of simple envy, arises from a profound ambivalence towards power.

— Joanna Russ, Magic Mommas, Trembling Sisters, Puritans and Perverts

Comments

[cinnamyn77.livejournal.com]

I can certainly relate to "the guilt of success". At certain points in my life, particularly as I was first surpassing my parents' achievements, I felt terribly guilty. Even now, I have the guilt underlying the anger. I think that when I was in my early teens, I was still aspiring to be a Magic Momma. When I collapsed, I could no longer ignore the tremendous personal cost of trying to fulfill all these expectations. I then became bitter, so bitter that for a period of time I ceased to be effective. I am less trapped in that vicious cycle now, but I think I am still functioning below my capabilities. I would like to be more effective in a way that does not result in me burning out. I feel that I must achieve, and yet, I must not... indeed, "a profound ambivalence towards power."

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Should "totally selfish" be "totally selfless"?

I know I tend toward the MM end, though I don't entirely renounce my own needs. But very few things drive me crazier than Trembling Sisters. The people who play along are nearly as bad.

[bcholmes.livejournal.com]

Eep. I think you're right.