Losing my Feminist Credentials

[bcholmes]

I'm not on the vanguard of size acceptance activism by any stretch of the imagination. I think I know a thing or two, having hung out now with a number of friends who are size acceptance activists.

But here's the thing. Recently, I joined a gym. I've been concerned, for a while, at just how sedentary a lifestyle I have and I thought it'd be groovy to get some exercise in my life. I'm now taking yoga at work again on Wednesdays, and I thought I'd go to the gym for exercise twice a week. Knowing just how exercise-ignorant I am, I even hired one of those trainer guys. No, really: I'm not going for weight loss. Just exercise. Heart pumping and all that.

A few days ago, my gym gave me a complementary "fitness assessment" and today I saw my trainer for the first time. And, um. The fitness assessment was incredibly degrading. Apparently I'm fat. So fat that the government (the government!) thinks I'm in the unhealthy range. Me, I know the counter-argument: even if that's true, it doesn't follow that trying to change my weight to the "healthy" range is going to change my healthiness. And, if anything, the scant research available suggests the opposite.

And I've talked about this stuff with other people. With cow-orkers, while sharing a one-on-one lunch over Chinese food. In a nice, safe environment where we can chat about it in a dispassionate, intellectual way. "Here's a concept to consider," I say, swishing my green tea and gesturing with my chopsticks.

But the people at the gym aren't engaging in comfortable, intellectual conversation. They're saying: "you're too fat, and you need to do these things." And they want to be believed that they know what they're talking about. And, remember that part about me not being on the vanguard of size acceptance activism?

It's a hard thing to figure out how to say, "Now hold on..."

Comments

[abostick59.livejournal.com]

Going to the gym is a good thing, but. ...

Remember, they are in the business of selling memberships, and time with personal trainers, and gym gear, and nutrition supplements, and etc., etc., etc.

Their interest isn't in your health and well-being; it is in selling you these things.

And the reason many people, at least many women, come to the gym is to lose weight. "Getting in shape," "fitnes," etc. are presumed to be synonymous with losing weight.

"You're too fat" is the marketing point of least resistance. The trainers presume that their customers believe it to be true, because the people who don't are rare.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I think that this is one of the things I like about cycling -- I do it mostly as a solitary thing. I've pondered a gym membership on a few occasions. I do like physical activity and exercise, and it's especially hard for me to get in the winter. But I don't think I could handle that environment. Even when I used the gym at Queen's, with no trainer / consultant person, I found it very difficult and I think that the losses in my self-image were greater than the gains in my activity level. But on the other hand, I think that the more brave people who take it on, the safer it becomes for people who are, like me, more confrontation-avoidant.

I've found Paul Campos to be a clear and understandable speaker on the topic, if you wanted references. His most famous book is here (http://www.amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/1592400663/qid%3D1151377687/701-0545060-3333911) You can watch a video of him speaking here (http://www.colorado.edu/law/faculty/Paul_Campos_56k.mov).

[indefatigable42.livejournal.com]

It strikes me that the only reason a gym would give out complimentary fitness exams would be to convince people that they really really need to work out. Yeah, I can see them erring on the side of degrading. Get an objective fitness exam from a doctor, and then work with a trainer to figure out what kind of exercise you need.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

when i have to do it, i skip the "now hold on" part, and i go straight to "i am not here to lose weight or to have discussions about whether or not i ought to lose weight. i am not willing to have those discussions with you."

after a few repetitions, i would add "and if you keep trying to have those conversations with me, i am going to leave."

so far, i've mostly been having these conversations with my doctors, and i haven't needed to mention that i will take my fat ass somewhere else. but in a gym setting, it might be useful to bump that up so that it happens a little earlier. because, as alan says, they're there to make money off of you. and if you mention that you will take your money somewhere else, it can be a helpful stick to beat them with.

activity is good. i am all for it. yay activity!

[lovecraftienne.livejournal.com]

Yah, my point's been made by others here. I've had occasion to point out a few times recently that the weight-loss industry is one of the oddest in the world; the market rewards them for failure, to some extent. That is, the last thing they want is for you to lose weight and keep it off; they want you to lose weight, gain it back, then come back to lose it again because you were 'successful' last time. If you lose weight and keep it off, you're never going to be a customer again, which is an evidently poor business model. They're not that stupid.

Hence the really unhealthy diets that tend to be promoted: they fill the bill, as it were, quite precisely. People will lose weight, and being so unhealthy a way to live for a long time, they will backslide, and then they will gain it back, and they will feel guilty\lazy\worthless\unsatisfied to have gained it back, so back they go for another round of the high they got from losing the weight the first time.

[redbird]

One effect of this, though, is that if you can get it through their heads that you're there for a specific other reason, they may be delighted; what they want is for you to be there next year and the year after, and the desire to play handball or build muscle generally or improve your balance and keep calm by taking regular yoga classes will do that, perhaps better than the weight-loss thing. If you want to be able to walk five miles comfortably, tell them that; at least in my experience, "I'm not here to lose weight [full stop]" doesn't make as much sense to them as "it's not a weight loss program, it's a strength building program" or "I'm not here to lose weight, I'm here for $other_reason."

Another thing they know is that exercise can be addictive: the kind of person who becomes a physical trainer is likely to have experienced that from both sides.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

On a different tack: you don't always have to be at the forefront of the struggle. You have enough struggles. Sometimes it's okay to just listen and have whatever internal conversations you have. Sometimes it's okay to take things in and not give things back.

Be gentle with yourself.

Besides, you're gorgeous at your current weight ...

[deepforestowl.livejournal.com]

gym culture is scary...one thing that I have found to be very effective is to take a class at one of my schools. I am doing weight lifting but they offer all sorts of stuff. The grade is inconsequential to me, the environment is non-competitive and relaxed without having most of the poser stuff going on, and if you get a class at the right time, you get a pretty good crowd that is a lot of fun. And, once you know what you are doing, the teacher leaves you alone unless you ask for advice or additional instruction. I also like the fact that since I am technically paying for it (I get a freebie class every term), I feel a sense of obligation to go which gets me into the gym. I've also found that the classes focus on the individual's goals, not what the government or others say about what you are supposed to be doing in their eyes. A thought to consider if the gym turns ugly.

[persephoneplace.livejournal.com]

I would stick to a stock phrasing or two - things like 'my goals are x, y and z. i'd like to focus on the goals i have chosen.' and be a broken record with it.

They want to upsell you.

[firecat]

What I want to say was said really well by alanbostick and wild_irises.

[dragon3.livejournal.com]

I go to the gym. It's something reasonably new for me (like 3 years). I had a trainer who was a jerk, a guy who dismissed my questions about flexibility by measuring that I was more flexible than he was.

My goal is to feel good. Major exercise with limited change in diet makes me feel good. It also reduces my weight and my blood pressure and all the stuff my doctor measures on the blood tests. It also makes me stronger, but I'm not sure what to do with that in daily life. And it allows me to cope better with stress when I can be disciplined enough to do it.

So I would advise you to ignore all that BMI BS and get into a regular routine that includes some serious exercise. If your trainer is a jerk, then get another trainer, or just go and do the stuff. It's not rocket science to do a circuit of cardio and weights that will meet health objectives, as opposed to body sculpting objectives.

Bloody Fitness Centres!!!

[laura-seabrook.livejournal.com]

Years ago my psych (at that time) sent me to a fitness center (Gym). It was good at first, but then they pressured me to be a "life member". I caved in and signed a promisary note - for $700! More fool me. I changed my mind three days later and already they'd sold it to a credit company (which is now illegal in that State).

Was really really pissed off over that. The worst of it was, the place went bankrupt six months later (the building now houses a pathology lab - always wondered what they did with the pool out back) but I still had a debt to pay off.

Bloody fitness centrers - tell 'em to go jump!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I did that when I had a gym membership that entitled me to personal training sessions. I wrote up a letter about my physical peculiarities and my fitness goals (which specifically included "not here for weigt loss"), and gave it to the trainer before our first session.

It worked really well, but then, I chose a gym based on a recommendation from my physical therapist, and they were used to having disabled people work out there.

[the-siobhan.livejournal.com]

At any point during the "fitness" assessment, did they ever actually talk about your fitness?

I would be extrememly mistrustful of the advise of a personal trainer who can't tell the difference between fitness and weight.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Is your trainer using the BMI, by any chance? According to the BMI, M is "morbidly obese", despite the fact that he lifts weights and does t'ai chi every day, and goes to martial arts every week. Muscle weighs more than fat, but the BMI doesn't take that into account. More and more, I'm seeing articles that challenge the BMI.

I usually eschew celebrity trainers and such, but last week I saw an interview with Harley Pasternak, who is the fitness trainer to a lot of Hollywood types. He's in incredibly good shape, but he says that according to the BMI, he's overweight. His advice was to throw away your scales and focus on how you look and feel physically, instead of how much you weigh.

I'm sorry the trainers at the gym were nasty to you.That's no way to motivate people to be healthier. I hated gym class when I was in school. Why? Because it was humiliating. Striving to be fit and healthy should not be a humiliating experience.

[lovecraftienne.livejournal.com]

Ditto, about the BMI. I, too, am morbidly obese according to the BMI (a shade under 5'9", and 245-250 most of the time), yet I play a full game of soccer every week, and two during the winter. The BMI's alright for those who are relatively sedentary, but as you say, completely neglects muscle mass being denser than fat.

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

this is why i hate gyms. well, one of the reasons why.

if you can find one where lots of people go for physical therapy, they have a higher chance of actually knowing what the fuck they're talking about. the rest of the lot are usually just there for their own benefit, not for yours, and the more guilt they can shovel on you, the better. even those who're genuine fitness wanks are still just that -- wankers.

i have no patience for any part of this stupidity. if they don't stop the moment you say "you equate fitness with weight? i am not here to lose weight. how about you drop the weight loss idea and tell me about fitness instead.", i'd be outta there, giving my money to a place that shows some clue.

[mathbabe.livejournal.com]

Somehow I never responded to this at the time, despite having definite thoughts of my own... but I generally fail myself in this area.

I do have a little detailed-oriented advice. The gym has to at least pay lip service to increasing your overall fitness, so focus on that. It's hard to say "I don't care about my weight", but easier to say "I care about my resting heart rate". It's easier to distract them by changing the subject. They do have ways to more-or-less objectively measure how flexible you are, how strong you are (upper and lower body), and how fit your heart is. If not exactly objective, at least it gives a scale you can measure your improvement against.

I had very specific goals for the gym at the big place where I used to work - to increase my flexibility, because my doctor said that would help my lower back pain; to increase my lower body strength, so my annual skiing trip wouldn't exhaust me; and to lower my resting heart rate and the speed at which my heart rate went back to normal after exercise (I forget what that's called officially, but it's a measure of how hard your heart has to work). After my fitness assessment the woman who ran the centre gave me a "good/very good/excellent" rating on each, and voila, there were my goals. With all those goals already there wasn't time or need to discuss meaningless numbers measured in pounds or inches.

artistatlarge (http://artistatlarge.livejournal.com/) has just celebrated a year of going to the gym - not to lose weight, but to be more fit.

Forgot to ask...

[mathbabe.livejournal.com]

If it's not too forward to inquire, what happened with the gym? Did you quit in disgust after a day or two? Or are you loving it to bits? Or somewhere in the neutral zone?

[artistatlarge.livejournal.com]

Well, um... I'd be lying if I didn't admit that losing weight was *one* of my goals. Over 200lbs on a 5'3 woman was, literally, a drag to carry around.

But the main reason I started to go was to get fit, become strong, be more healthy, all of which is happening. And I'm getting smaller as I get stronger, even if I'm not losing lots of actual weight-by-numbers; muscle is indeed more dense than fat.

However, according to the BMI tables, I'm still "obese". And even if I approach the weight I was eight years ago- when I had been sick for a year and felt so thin it was like my feet were hardly touching the ground, not a good feeling- even THEN I'll be "overweight". Such bullshit! Don't listen to 'em!

I'm probably lucky to be at a gym that's very laid-back, never ever tries to upsell, no pressure. It's not a check-me-out gym by any stretch. Nobody flirts. Nobody stares. Nobody points and giggles when old people or fat people or really unfit people are on the equipment.

Your goals are your goals. Screw 'em if they don't listen to you. And don't let them make you feel bad: that's unforgiveable. If the humilation is overt, see management. Grrr!